you're not here to make everyone proud

learn to trust yourself, even if it disappoints the people you love

In my family, everyone has an opinion… and I mean everyone. About each other’s work, who’s dating who, what someone should’ve said at dinner, even how bad or good someone’s haircut looks. It’s not always malicious, but it’s constant. And for as long as I can remember, it’s shaped how I move through the world.

I saw the world through a judgmental lens, and would dole out opinions or advice, just like my family members do, as a means of seek connection and approval from those around me. I do believe the comments rarely ever came from a mean-spirited place, and in fact, perhaps they even come from a place of care. But care doesn’t always feel good when it’s unsolicited, especially when it sounds more like criticism or doubt.

I used to get so triggered when my family would give me advice I didn’t ask for. I still do sometimes. The comments might be subtle… “Are you sure that’s a stable job?” or “You know, so and so just got engaged…” — but these words can land like an earthquake hit the ground when you’re already struggling to find your footing. Or the more tactical thing they often did was share stories about how their friend of a friend’s daughter is ruining her life by or “failing” by making xyz decision. And funnily enough, that “failed” decision always seemed eerily similar to what I was personally going through.

There’s just something about unsolicited opinions or advice that hits that old nerve… It makes you question yourself. It pokes at your insecurities. It brings up that old fear of being the one who gets it wrong.

But even though I aware of these familial judgments being toxic… like clockwork, I’d still run all my decisions by them: what job to take, who to date, what city to move to… Regardless of if they had expertise in it or not, if someone close to me disapproved or hesitated about a decision I had to make, I’d hesitate too.

The hard part is: despite constantly feeling judged, I still wanted their approval. I wanted to feel seen, supported, understood. I still do. And that’s okay, because that’s human. As social creatures, it makes sense that we crave validation from those closest to us. But here’s a truth that keeps surfacing for me lately:

✨ Wanting approval is human.
But outsourcing your decisions just to get it… is a sure way to slowly losing yourself.

There comes a point in life… maybe your late twenties, maybe your thirties, maybe after a thousand tiny moments of not listening to your gut - when you realize that nobody else has to live your life but you.

**please read the following in a Ron Weasley accent: “Not your mom. Not your well-meaning uncle. Not your siblings who project their own fears onto your path. YOU.”

It’s taken me years to realize how much of my life wasn’t mine. Even now, when someone in my family offers advice I didn’t ask for, I still feel the old patterns bubble up… defensiveness, anger, shame. But I’m learning (very slowly… and sometimes painfully) that the goal isn’t to make everyone comfortable with my life choices. The goal is to build a life that I feel at peace with.

Because at the end of the day, I’m the one who has to wake up with myself. Every morning. Every night. Through every doubt, every decision, through every consequence… this life is mine.

So unless you’re the one waking up in my body every morning, holding the weight of my dreams, and carrying the consequences of my choices…
you don’t get to decide what’s right for me.

okay, but how do you actually trust yourself?

I used to think trusting yourself meant having this unshakeable clarity and confidence when you walk into a room and command attention wherever you go. It can be some of that. But I’ve also learned that sometimes, it can also look a little messier.

It’s more about the awareness of your own imperfections, and still trusting that you are worthy to exist, even with those flaws.

It means noticing the urge to text five people for their opinion and choosing to sit with the discomfort instead.

It means making a choice, then holding it with compassion, even when someone you love thinks you’re making a mistake.

It means realizing that being misunderstood is not the same thing as being wrong.

🌀 self-trust begins with being honest with yourself

Before you can even think about tuning out the noise around you, you have to get honest about the noise within you. The part of you that wants to people-please. The part that’s afraid of failure. The part that thinks if you mess up, it means you’re not worthy. Trusting yourself doesn’t mean erasing fear, it means recognizing it and still choosing what aligns.

🌀 people-pleasing is not the same as being kind

Sometimes we think keeping the peace is the mature or loving thing to do. But when you’re constantly bending to make everyone else comfortable, you end up abandoning yourself. Real connection isn’t about compliance, it’s about showing up as your full self, even when that means someone might not agree.

🌀 living in alignment feels like peace

When your actions match your values, even hard decisions start to feel easier. Not because the consequences disappear, but because you know deep down you chose what was true to you. That kind of alignment is like exhaling after holding your breath for too long.

🌀 you don’t need to have all the answers

So much anxiety comes from trying to control outcomes or predict the future. But certainty isn’t what brings safety, self-trust is. When you know you’ll have your own back no matter what unfolds, the unknown becomes less overwhelming. You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to believe that you can handle whatever comes next. That belief is what creates steadiness in uncertainty.

🌀 your peace is more important than their understanding

Most of us were never taught how to live for ourselves. We were taught how to succeed, how to win approval, how to make others proud. But no one else has to sit in your skin at the end of the day. You do. And the only voice that will stay with you your whole life is your own. So it’s worth strengthening that voice. Listening to it. Learning how to trust it.

gentle reminders if you’re in the middle of figuring it out too:

– your life isn’t a group project

– you’re allowed to make decisions others don’t understand

– love doesn’t always sound like approval

– you don’t have to explain your healing to people who haven’t lived your pain

– peace often comes after the courage to choose what’s true for you

If you’re navigating something right now, whether that be a job change, a relationship shift, a new chapter, and you’re hearing a million outside voices, try stepping back. Not everything requires a roundtable discussion. Sometimes, taking a moment of stillness to listen to the quietest voice in the room and learning to discern which voice is rooted in care, not fear, can lead you somewhere much more honest and authentic to you.

You’re allowed to live a life that feels like yours. One that aligns with your values, invites more gentleness, and helps you show up with love for yourself and for others.

You’re allowed to live a life that feels like yours. Even if no one claps. Even if it’s messy. Perhaps especially then.

ok that’s all I wanted to say :)

have a good day

love you,
love yourself <3

byeeeeeee x